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Welcome! Any newcomer or member struggling with compulsive gaming is welcome to post here. We encourage you to post an introduction and ask for help.

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 Please help me! 
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:00 pm
Posts: 10
State/Province/Country: Arizona
I need help! I'm so addicted to games, my life is a disaster, I'm struggling with this and another addiction and I can't possible imagine life without them. Since I was a kid I've gamed, and now I'm 37 with a shell of a life because all I've done is game! I feel like I'm emotionally 18 in this 37 year old body - no relationship - fat - isolated - hardly any connection to the world. I spend time with my family as little as possible so I can game more. Even when I'm working all I do is listen to gaming news.

I feel so empty and sad, this isn't who I wanted to be! Please help me! How can I live without this, I have no idea how to even live or function in the world! I'm in the process of deleting all my games, I'm addicted to all video games, and already my mind is telling me not to do it that I can't live without it.


Mon Jun 13, 2016 4:27 am
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 10:08 pm
Posts: 148
Location: Boston/Providence area
State/Province/Country: MA/USA
Welcome and hugs. You are in a world of pain right now. From what I can tell, you have a million "shoulds" in your head, and a gallon of shame for each one. Your addictions are your medicine to survive a life of so much pain, but they don't work anymore.
I could relate so much to your post, especially the past about feeling like a kid in an adult's body. I felt like that too when I quit, especially when all my demons that my gaming kept sedated started really coming out. Meetings were my lifeline in those days. This community saved my life.

You are in the right place. You can do this. You can heal. I'm available on email 000dusty000 at gmail dot com.


Mon Jun 13, 2016 5:59 am
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Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 12:45 pm
Posts: 98
It's hard to really face the disaster that life has become right now. But look, you've actually just done that. If you really want to stop wasting your life away, living like an empty vegetable (that's how I felt when I woke up from my gaming and looked at the empty mess my life and body had become), then this is definitely where you can get help.

It's not easy, but your life is absolutely worth fighting for. Whether we quit at 20 or 30 or 40 or 50, the years ahead are the ones that matter. Not the ones we've already wasted.

You're in a really tough place right now, and when we're in a tough place, everything narrows down to this tunnel vision where all we can see is doom and despair. The ONLY comfort is what is familiar right? Gaming. I felt exactly that way when I was terrified about quitting and yet hating what my life had become with gaming.

Imagine you're a baby again, and are wanting to take your first steps. It's scary, but you know what? There's a lot of joy around the corner once you start walking.

Here's what happened to me: I quit. For one day. I did that the next day, and the next, and the next. The years I spent gaming are in the past. What's here right now is this one day that I can choose to actually live. For me, every new day is another chance. It isn't easy, and that's where leaning on CGAA helped me so much.

I hope you find help here too.


Mon Jun 13, 2016 6:14 am
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 3:06 pm
Posts: 886
Location: Charlottesville
State/Province/Country: Virginia
Welcome back, Alan, glad you're speaking up. I was stuck in my compulsive gaming for years, despite honestly trying to get it under control many times. It didn't change for me until I reached out for help. Once I connected to people in this fellowship, I was encouraged to come to meetings and try the suggestions I heard. Those are the best things to do. Please come to meetings and please try out some of the suggestions you hear. Some of those are on this webpage. You're worth it. You're not alone. A new life is possible.


Mon Jun 13, 2016 3:34 pm
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:00 pm
Posts: 10
State/Province/Country: Arizona
thanks for the replies, today is day 1 and I almost went back to the games already but I'm moving forward. Getting rid of a bunch of stuff, going back to work in the office starting tomorrow (have been work at home) and committed to getting rid of my PC which there is no way I can have around or I'll be gaming again in no time. Will start hitting meetings too.

I feel scared and don't know how to live but I'm hoping I can learn - will need a lot of help from you folks though.


Mon Jun 13, 2016 8:08 pm
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 4:59 pm
Posts: 617
Location: Colorado (Front Range Urban Corridor)
State/Province/Country: Colorado, USA
Hey, Alan. :welcome: to the fellowship.

There is no way any of us can do it alone. I didn't have any life outside of the small amount of work I did four years ago when I came to the fellowship. I was lost and gaming away all my time. What helped was coming to meetings (a lot of meetings), connecting with other people in the fellowship in various ways (talking on the phone rather than just saying hi at a meeting), getting a sponsor and trying to practice the program (although it wasn't clear to me that this would be possible for me at first).

Now I have gone back to graduate school to start a new career, I have put some of the wreckage of the past behind me, I have new friends, and have renewed my interest in cooking, gardening and piano, and I'm generally functioning. It's not a perfect life, but it's a life, which is more than I can say for what I had when I found this fellowship.

Glad you are here. See you at the meeting.

_________________
You have to go the way the way your blood beats:
If you don't live the only life you have,
You won't live some other life,
You just won't live any life at all.

I was dan1 in a former life.

skype: dan939f
reddit: DansNewLife


Tue Jun 14, 2016 12:16 am
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:00 pm
Posts: 10
State/Province/Country: Arizona
Made it another day, two days which seems like nothing I'm sure but it's big for me - and I've gotten rid of literally everything related to gaming in my life. I think that's why it feels like a bigger deal. I'm surprised to feel a little better already. Not great, pretty crappy really, but better than two days ago. I like the mumble meetings even if I can't share much due to working (I can listen with headphones thankfully on my job)


Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:36 am
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 3:06 pm
Posts: 886
Location: Charlottesville
State/Province/Country: Virginia
Two days is huge!! It was much much harder for me to go from zero days to two days than it was to go from one year to two years. Congrats on a great start. It's been good to see you at the meetings. It's fine to share by text if you're not in a place to share by talking. Keep coming back. :) and put those phone numbers to good use... I know it's hard as hell to dial those numbers the first time, but it gets easier.


Wed Jun 15, 2016 12:43 pm
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:00 pm
Posts: 10
State/Province/Country: Arizona
I blew it guys.... I had a week and then I downloaded a stupid little addictive phone game and have been back at it again. I can't believe it. :(


Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:17 am
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 3:06 pm
Posts: 886
Location: Charlottesville
State/Province/Country: Virginia
Addiction is cunning, baffling, powerful. In the medical definition of addiction, you'll find "relapse" mentioned. That's the crux of it... without help, without consistent treatment of the condition, without going to great lengths to get completely honest with ourselves, we will sooner or later give in to one of the powerful urges to game.

Relapse is useful if we learn from it. Through my relapses, I learned a bunch of things. That I can't have any reservations. That I needed healthy ways to deal with stress and pain. That I needed friendships with other people in recovery. That it's best to 'fess up to other people in the fellowship when the urges and rationalizations to game are hitting me hard. That not starting that first game today must be my highest priority, because all of the most important things in my life are dependent on me being sane and in control of myself.

I suggest looking hard at the lessons of this relapse. If you'd share about them here, that'd be great.

Today is another day. Just one day at a time, doing our best to not start that first game.


Tue Jun 21, 2016 12:27 pm
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