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 Hi, I'm Jeff 
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Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 4:59 pm
Posts: 611
Location: Colorado (Front Range Urban Corridor)
State/Province/Country: Colorado, USA
I wrote this a while ago. Thought I'd share it here.

Hi. I’m Jeff.
September 2016

Hi. I’m Jeff and I’m a video game addict

I made it to the meeting tonight. My class made me late, but I got there for most of the second half.
It was large, for us—16 trying to stop, the addict nerds
So to speak
We share our stories one at a time. It’s like AA
But then again, not quite:
We’re online, logging in from around the world
Tied to technology in a sick dance, like an unhappy couple that can’t divorce.

We played those games like mad hogs in crap; we played until we passed out in front of them
We played instead of eating, instead of having friends, instead of pissing
Smelling like we were dead we were
Dead
To the world of light and trees and real dogs who love you even if you live in front of a screen

An addict needs to feel better now and will claw the shirt off your back to do it
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing; until your hands bleed from it, until your eyes glaze over
Until your kids beg you to stop
You don’t even know why you want it you just do, it doesn’t even feel that good anymore but
God give it to me now.

Speaking of God
That’s not so popular among us. The boys who barely exist in the back room,
The women who just want out of here
But you don’t stop playing until there’s help from something else
And by the time you realize you need it
You need it
Bad
Worse than you ever needed your junk, your games, your @#$% exciting games

So in the meeting we pray
Not sure who is listening but us but
We’ll take all the help we can get because this thing, this….they say it’s a disease, but it’s worse
It’s a goddamn brain malfunction, a dark cave in the ground, a burning plane filled with toxic fumes, it’s
Being naked in the Canadian winter, it’s a green monster
With putrid breath whose drool is soaking your hair as it slowly, powerfully
Slams your head against the wall again and again and
You can’t know how many times you will say to yourself
Just… one… more… game
So we pray not to feel the claws, not to smell the stink on us today.

We get small miracles
Clinging to each other like a thin woman in a raging storm
Hanging onto the last board from the boat
So hard to not go back into the dark room
Instead I call someone, I hope it helps me, I try to help them, we talk each other out of our crazy
For a moment we aren’t alone
I go to the meeting and hear the pain through the speaker; I see it in the words on the screen
As if they are dripping red, red
As if saying it helps, as if not being alone in it helps, as if the power will come to us if we ask for it
And then
It does.

_________________
You have to go the way the way your blood beats:
If you don't live the only life you have,
You won't live some other life,
You just won't live any life at all.

I was dan1 in a former life.

skype: dan939f
reddit: DansNewLife


Sun Jan 29, 2017 11:53 pm
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Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 1:35 pm
Posts: 17
State/Province/Country: Alberta Canada
Shit. Chilling man. Sounds familiar. Seriously thanks for a look at the monster we all have.


Fri Feb 03, 2017 2:30 am
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Joined: Sat May 24, 2014 11:37 pm
Posts: 148
Location: Rockland NY
State/Province/Country: Rockland NY
Thanks for sharing jeff. As long as those "small miracles" are large enough to keep me from gaming that G-d is big enough for me.

_________________
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized)


Tue Feb 21, 2017 11:53 pm
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